All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
