why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
