Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
