I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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