he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
