I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
