her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
