I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
