it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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