Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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