It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
