if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
