mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
