never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
