My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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