and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
