Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
