I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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