Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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