i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
