I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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