FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
