He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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