I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
