He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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