9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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