I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
