Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
