Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
