Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
