I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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