I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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