Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
