Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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