I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
