I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
