I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
