after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
