seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
