Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
