life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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