And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
