Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
