Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
