Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
