also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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