Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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