i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
