Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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