well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
