you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
barbara walters just said penis...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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