I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
