thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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