It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
