man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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