Where did you get a picture of my penis
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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