Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
